Conquering Deadly Insecurity in Neurodiverse Relationships

Conquering Deadly Insecurity in Neurodiverse Relationships

Imagine being in a relationship with a neurodivergent individual where you don’t have to second-guess yourself—where communication feels honest, not hard, and where you both feel emotionally safe, even when things get messy. That kind of security is possible. In fact, it’s foundational to lasting connection, especially in neurodiverse relationships, where sensory sensitivity, processing styles, and emotional rhythms may not always match.

In this blog post, we’ll gently explore how to overcome insecurity in neurodiverse relationships, where it often comes from, and what it takes to create a stronger, more secure emotional bond. You may realize the importance of understanding your own feelings and the dynamics within these relationships, which often differ from societal expectations.

3 Key Takeaways

  • Insecurity often stems from past trauma, attachment wounds, or communication mismatches, and healing begins with awareness and self-reflection.
  • Strengthening your relationship requires a combination of emotional insight, direct communication, and compassionate personal growth. Setting realistic expectations and discussing them openly can foster intimacy and understanding, helping to prevent misunderstandings and emotional discomfort.
  • Support from a neurodiversity-affirming therapist can help partners move from patterns of fear and shutdown into a relationship built on mutual trust and emotional safety.

An Introduction to Neurodiverse Relationships

Neurodiverse relationships involve a neurotypical partner and a neurodivergent partner, such as an autistic person. These relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but they also present unique challenges. Understanding and accepting the differences between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals is crucial for building a strong and healthy relationship. Neurodivergent people, including autistic individuals, may experience emotional development and attachment styles differently than their neurotypical partners. By recognizing and embracing these differences, couples can work together to create a supportive and loving environment. This mutual understanding fosters a deeper connection and helps both partners feel valued and respected.

Understanding Insecurity in Neurodiverse Relationships

Insecurity isn’t just a feeling—it’s a nervous system state. And in neurodiverse relationships, that state can be amplified when communication differences aren’t understood or when past experiences haven’t been fully processed.

You might notice yourself—or your partner—seeking constant reassurance, withdrawing, reacting with jealousy, or trying to control the environment to feel safe. These responses aren’t about being dramatic or difficult. They’re usually about survival.

Take Erin and Max (names changed). Erin was a late-diagnosed autistic person who often felt ignored in conversations with her partner, Max, who had ADHD. Max wasn’t trying to avoid her—he just processed conversations internally, with long silences that made Erin feel abandoned and sad. Once they recognized the pattern, they could name what was happening without blame. That was the start of their healing.

The Impact of Neurodivergence

Neurodivergence can significantly impact a relationship, particularly if one partner is autistic. Autistic people tend to experience and interpret the world differently, which can lead to misunderstandings and communication challenges. Neurodiverse relationships require effort and understanding from both partners to navigate these differences. The neurotypical partner may need to adapt their communication style and emotional expression to better support their autistic partner. Meanwhile, the autistic partner may need to develop strategies to manage their emotions and sensory experiences. By working together and seeking professional support, couples can build a stronger and more resilient relationship, turning potential challenges into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.


Where Insecurity in Neurodiverse Relationships Comes From

Past Relationship Experiences

If you’ve ever been ghosted, betrayed, emotionally neglected, or chronically misunderstood in previous relationships, your body remembers. Even if the current partner is safe, the nervous system may still be bracing for impact.

That’s why we sometimes respond with suspicion or withdrawal when none is warranted. We’re not reacting to the present moment—we’re reacting to an emotional echo. Naming those echoes helps them lose their grip.

Attachment Styles

Whether you lean anxious, avoidant, or somewhere in between, attachment styles often show up most clearly during conflict or vulnerability. If you grew up unsure whether your needs would be met, you might feel especially sensitive to moments of distance or disconnection.

An avoidant partner might pull away to self-regulate, while an anxious partner might pursue for closeness—each trying to feel safe in the only way they know how. Understanding your own attachment style is a powerful step toward softening these patterns.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-worth can quietly fuel insecurity, especially among autistic people. If you don’t believe you’re lovable as you are, you might constantly question your partner’s affection or approval. This can lead to feelings of hurt, as misunderstandings and mismatched emotional needs create emotional pain and distress. You might compare yourself to others, feel overly sensitive to criticism, or find it hard to believe good things are real.

Therapy, affirmations, and embodied self-worth practices can help rebuild your relationship with yourself—because no partner can fill the hole left by self-doubt.

Communication Breakdowns

In neurodiverse relationships, including those with a neurotypical partner, communication differences can be profound. One partner may prefer direct speech; the other, subtle cues. One may need time to process; the other, instant feedback. Small talk can be particularly challenging, as it often leads to discomfort and sensory overload for neurodivergent individuals, creating stress and misunderstanding. Without shared understanding, it’s easy to misinterpret pauses, tone, or facial expressions.

That’s why open, clear, and compassionate communication is essential. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about staying in dialogue.


Strategies for Healing Insecurity in Neurodiverse Relationships

Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

You can’t change what you don’t name. Journaling, therapy, or simply slowing down to ask, “What’s really going on inside me right now?” can be transformative. When you notice yourself spiraling, pause and check in with your body. What’s the fear? Where does it come from? What part of you needs comfort, not correction? Embracing the idea of personal growth and self-discovery can be liberating and validating.

This work doesn’t mean blaming yourself—it means becoming the safest person you know.

Open and Honest Communication

Create space for vulnerable conversations. Try saying, “When you didn’t respond to my text, my brain went to a scary place. Can we talk about that?” Keep the focus on your internal experience, not your partner’s intention. It’s important not to assume negative motivations behind your partner’s actions. By questioning these assumptions, you can foster better understanding and strengthen your relationship.

Neurodiverse love often requires extra clarity and extra grace. You may need to say what you mean, mean what you say, and check in more often than you’d expect. That’s not failure—that’s partnership.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Our thoughts can be ruthless. “I’m too much.” “They’re going to leave.” “I’m unlovable.” These stories often aren’t true, but they feel real. For autistic individuals, the worry of dating and romance can add to these negative thoughts. The pressure of explaining a disability can be overwhelming, but learning to spot these patterns, question them, and replace them with more compassionate language is part of building internal security.

Cognitive-behavioral tools, somatic work, or even speaking your inner critic out loud (and giving it a silly voice) can interrupt the spiral.


Building Trust and Safety with an Autistic or ADHD Partner

Building trust and safety is essential in any relationship, but it can be particularly challenging in neurodiverse relationships. Autistic individuals may struggle with social interactions and emotional regulation, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. To build trust and safety, the neurotypical partner should prioritize open and honest communication, actively listening to their autistic partner’s needs and concerns. The autistic partner should also feel comfortable expressing their emotions and boundaries, without fear of judgment or rejection. By establishing a safe and supportive environment, couples can foster a deeper sense of trust and connection, ensuring that both partners feel secure and understood.

For an ADHD partner,  it is essential to understand their own needs and limitations, as well as those of their partner. This can include finding ways to manage impulsivity and forgetfulness, such as using reminders or setting up a routine. It’s also crucial for the neurotypical partner to be patient and understanding when their ADHD partner may struggle with time management or organization. By working together and finding strategies that work for both partners, an Autism or ADHD  and Neurotypical relationship can thrive.

The Role of Self-Care

Self-care is critical in neurodiverse relationships, as it can help both partners manage stress and emotional overwhelm. The neurotypical partner may need to prioritize self-care to cope with the challenges of supporting their autistic partner. Meanwhile, the autistic partner may need to develop self-care strategies to manage their sensory experiences and emotional regulation. By prioritizing self-care, couples can maintain their emotional and physical well-being, reducing the risk of burnout and relationship strain. Self-care can include activities such as exercise, meditation, and spending time in nature, as well as seeking professional support and connecting with supportive communities. These practices help both partners recharge and maintain a healthy balance in their relationship.

Neurodiverse Relationships and Community

Neurodiverse relationships can be isolating, particularly if the couple struggles to find supportive communities and resources. However, there are many online and in-person communities dedicated to supporting neurodiverse couples and individuals. These communities can provide a sense of connection and belonging, as well as valuable resources and advice for navigating the challenges of neurodiverse relationships. By connecting with others who share similar experiences, couples can feel less alone and more supported, reducing feelings of loneliness and isolation. Additionally, these communities can help couples access professional support and services, such as counseling and therapy, to further support their relationship. Engaging with a community can be a lifeline, offering both practical advice and emotional support.

When to Seek Professional Support

You don’t have to do this alone; seeking emotional support can be beneficial. A therapist trained in neurodiversity-affirming care can help you identify patterns, regulate your nervous system, and rebuild emotional safety. I specialise in working with neurodiverse couples, especially those who struggle with insecurity in their neurodiverse relationship!  Reach out today to schedule your FREE “Clarity & Connection” Zoom session.

Whether you’re healing from trauma, exploring your attachment style, or learning how to communicate in a neurodiverse relationship, professional support can offer you the tools and insight to move forward—not perfectly, but meaningfully. For a neurodiverse couple, understanding the differences between neurotypical and neurodivergent partners is crucial. Professional guidance can help navigate these differences, fostering greater intimacy and connection despite inherent distinctions.

Summary: Creating Security Together

No relationship is perfect. However, a secure neurodiverse relationship is one where both partners feel emotionally seen, physically safe, and allowed to be their full selves. It’s not about never feeling insecure—it’s about knowing what to do when those feelings show up. Navigating the complexities of life together, especially through personal journeys and emotional challenges, can lead to a deeper connection and mutual support.

With curiosity, courage, and a commitment to growth, you can build a relationship that’s not just surviving, but thriving.

You deserve that. And it’s absolutely possible.


Frequently Asked Questions

How do I stop feeling insecure in my relationship?

Start by slowing down and naming what you’re feeling. Insecurity is often a sign that a need hasn’t been met or a past wound has been touched. Practice self-compassion, communicate openly with your partner, and seek therapeutic support if the patterns feel too big to untangle alone. It’s also crucial to understand that in neurodiverse relationships, partners may struggle to fully comprehend each other’s emotional and cognitive experiences. By acknowledging and actively working to understand these differences, couples can foster deeper connections and healthier communication.

How can I explain my insecurity to my partner?

Try using “I” language and be specific. For example: “When I don’t hear back from you, I notice I start to feel scared that something’s wrong. I know that’s about me, not you—but I’d love to find a way we can navigate this together.” It’s important that these feelings are talked about openly, especially when discussing sensitive topics like mental health, relationships, and consent. This is crucial for neurodivergent individuals who may struggle to express their feelings and often feel excluded from important conversations.

What if my partner is the insecure one?

Be gentle, but clear. Offer reassurance where you can, but also set boundaries around repeated behaviors like jealousy or control. Emphasize the importance of mutual respect in your relationship, as understanding and valuing each other’s unique experiences can foster a deeper connection. Invite them into conversation, not confrontation. And if needed, recommend couples counseling as a safe space to unpack the deeper dynamics together.

Can insecurity really be healed?

Yes—though not overnight. Insecurity is often a reflection of unmet needs or past pain. In neurodiverse relationships, this can be particularly challenging, as partners may struggle with the emotional pain and distress of feeling misunderstood or hurting each other unintentionally. With time, consistent relational safety, and often therapeutic support, those old wounds can be soothed. Healing is possible—and worth the effort.

Neurodiverse Love Therapy & Love Counseling for Couples

Neurodiverse Love Therapy & Love Counseling for Couples

Neurodiverse Love Looks Different Here—And That’s a Beautiful Thing

Neurodiverse Love therapy and love counseling offer something rare and vital for neurodiverse couples—a safe, affirming space where your love doesn’t have to fit the neurotypical mold. If you or your partner are neurodivergent, you already know that connection, communication, and emotional presence may unfold in ways that feel layered, nuanced, and, at times, overwhelming.

I’ve walked this path for over 40 years, including 35 years of marriage. I know the magic and the mess. I also know how deeply healing it can be to feel truly seen in your relationship—not despite your differences, but because of them. This work matters.

This blog explores what makes neurodiverse love unique and how therapy can support a deeper, more sustainable bond built on compassion, clarity, and mutual care. It also delves into how therapy can help you realize love despite fears, breaking the cycle that hinders both giving and receiving love.

3 Key Takeaways

  • Love therapy provides specialized tools to help neurodiverse couples navigate communication differences, sensory sensitivities, and emotional regulation.
  • When both partners feel seen and valued, their relationship becomes a space for healing, not just survival.
  • You are not broken—and your love story isn’t wrong. It simply deserves a framework that honors your neurodivergent strengths.
  • The need to be loved is as essential as water and food to our survival, making love therapy a vital resource for fostering connection and understanding.

What Is Neurodiverse Love Therapy and Love Counseling?

Neurodiverse Love therapy is a specialized form of relationship support that acknowledges and respects the unique dynamics of neurodiverse couples. While traditional couples therapy may focus on conflict resolution and communication skills, love therapy goes deeper. It’s designed for couples navigating the neurodivergent terrain—where masking, shutdowns, or sensory overload aren’t “problems,” but part of a shared human experience. A structured course can help individuals explore therapy methods and strategies to understand emotional patterns and behavioral tendencies, providing a guided pathway to deepen their connections and overcome relational challenges.

Love therapy might include:

  • Bridging communication styles (verbal vs. nonverbal, direct vs. nuanced)
  • Honoring sensory profiles and creating safer environments
  • Co-regulating emotional intensity when one partner shuts down or explodes
  • Unmasking gently, with room for the neurodivergent partner to be more fully themselves

It’s not about fixing anyone. It’s about creating a relationship where both people feel resourced, respected, and resilient.


Introduction to Neurodiverse Relationships

Neurodiverse relationships are not a puzzle to be solved—they’re a dance to be learned.

Often, one partner leans on predictability to soothe a nervous system that’s easily overwhelmed, while the other may crave spontaneity to feel alive. If you’re neurodiverse, the intensity of daily life can shape how you relate, regulate, and repair with your partner. Not knowing what will happen next can be particularly distressing for those who prefer structure and routine, making unpredictability and change significant challenges.

For example, a neurodivergent partner may feel soothed by routine but unintentionally dominate the couple’s schedule, leading the neurotypical partner to feel unseen or controlled. These patterns can spiral—but they’re also opportunities for growth when named with compassion.

The Beauty and Complexity of Neurodiverse Love

Love in a neurodiverse partnership isn’t “less than”—it’s just different. And that difference can be stunningly beautiful.

Yes, there may be hard days. But there’s also fierce loyalty, brilliant insight, and a kind of care that transcends words. I’ve witnessed this both personally and professionally: the quiet moments when a couple figures out their rhythm and finds their way back to each other. Love therapy can support those moments.

And self-love is at the heart of it all. When we know we are worthy—messy brains and all—we stop trying to earn love and start receiving it differently.

The Importance of Self-Love in Relationships

Here’s a truth many therapists know: relationships often break down at the fault line of low self-worth.

When you don’t believe you’re lovable, it’s hard to trust love when it comes. Self-love isn’t indulgent—it’s foundational. It helps us set boundaries, express our needs, and step out of shame. In love therapy, we often return to this root again and again: Who taught you you were too much or not enough? And how can we rewrite that story, together? Fear is the root cause of preventing or destroying love, and addressing it is key to building healthier relationships. Being aware of your emotional states and underlying fears is crucial, as these often stem from deeper beliefs about love and self-worth.

Self-love also allows us to better interpret our partner’s behavior, not as rejection, but as a reflection of their nervous system, history, or communication style.

Unique Challenges in Neurodiverse Relationships

1. Communication Differences

You speak in feelings; your partner speaks in facts. Sound familiar?

Neurodiverse couples often face communication mismatches. One partner may rely on nonverbal cues, while the other needs clear, direct language. Without translation tools, these differences can lead to frustration. Navigating these emotional landscapes can be confusing, particularly when self-examination and the dynamics between different love spheres come into play. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is often used in love therapy to process blocks to loving and being loved, helping couples navigate these challenges more effectively.

In love therapy, we practice intentional talk: slow, structured dialogue where both partners feel heard and safe.

2. Sensory Sensitivities

Imagine attempting to connect emotionally while your shirt feels like sandpaper or the lighting is too bright.

Sensory sensitivities can make even small moments—like a hug or dinner out—overwhelming. Therapy helps couples design environments and rituals that feel calming, not chaotic.

3. Emotional Regulation

Shutdowns. Meltdowns. Overwhelm.

Emotional intensity isn’t a flaw—it’s information. But without regulation tools, it can wreck the connection. Love therapy offers ways to co-regulate, like pre-agreed “timeouts” or using visual aids when words are hard to find.

4. Masking and Misunderstandings

Masking—hiding your true self to fit in—can erode intimacy. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), an empirically tested technique, is utilized in love therapy to help individuals process the emotional toll of masking and build trust within their relationships.

One partner may appear detached or emotionally unavailable, while inside, they’re drowning. Therapy offers space to unmask slowly, building trust and allowing for vulnerability to grow.


Understanding the Impact of Anxiety

Anxiety can cast a long shadow over our lives, affecting not just our day-to-day activities but also our relationships and emotional well-being. It can feel uncomfortable, even debilitating, making navigating interactions with friends and family challenging. The constant worry and fear can lead to depression, causing significant pain and distress that permeates every aspect of life.

Recognizing the signs and symptoms of anxiety is essential. It’s the first step in seeking help and beginning the healing process through therapy. A therapist can help you understand the root causes of your anxiety and develop coping strategies to manage your emotions and feelings. This process can be transformative, helping you regain control and peace.

Anxiety doesn’t just affect how we feel; it impacts our sense of self and our relationships with others. It can make us doubt our abilities, sap our motivation, and cloud our focus, making it difficult to achieve our goals and desires. But with the proper treatment and support, you can overcome anxiety and develop a more positive and resilient mindset.

Remember, anxiety is a common and treatable condition. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. By addressing anxiety in a supportive and non-judgmental environment, you can improve your overall quality of life and build more fulfilling and meaningful relationships with yourself and others.


Defining Healthy Neurodiverse Love

Healthy love is less about roses and more about repair.

It’s being able to say, “I didn’t get that right,” and know your partner won’t punish you. It’s setting a boundary and being met with curiosity instead of criticism. It’s about how we treat each other, applying biblical principles of love regardless of how others treat us. In neurodiverse relationships, healthy love looks like:

  • Allowing for differences
  • Staying connected during discomfort
  • Holding each other with grace

It’s not perfect. It’s real.

Building Connection and Intimacy

Intimacy isn’t just physical—it’s about being emotionally known.

In therapy, we talk about building “rituals of connection”—shared moments that say: I see you. Whether it’s a daily check-in or cooking together in silence, these small acts build emotional glue and foster deeper involvement in the relationship.

Building a Strong Foundation

Building a strong foundation in life is crucial for navigating relationships, emotions, and the myriad challenges that come our way. This foundation is built on self-awareness, self-acceptance, and a willingness to grow and learn. It’s about developing a sense of purpose and direction, cultivating healthy habits, and fostering relationships that support our well-being.

A strong foundation requires a commitment to self-care and self-compassion. Recognizing that we are all imperfect and deserving of love and acceptance is key. This self-compassion helps us develop the resilience and coping skills needed to navigate life’s challenges, including anxiety, depression, and trauma.

In relationships, a strong foundation involves effective communication, setting boundaries, and being empathetic and understanding towards others. These skills lead to more harmonious and supportive relationships, whether they are romantic, familial, or friendships. By prioritizing our own growth and development, we create a positive and supportive community around us.

Building a strong foundation takes time and effort, but it’s essential for creating a life that is authentic, meaningful, and fulfilling. With a strong foundation, you can feel more grounded and confident, ready to take on life’s challenges and pursue your passions and desires.


Navigating Life Changes

Life is full of changes and transitions, from career shifts to relationship dynamics, and navigating these changes with resilience and adaptability is essential. While these transitions can be challenging, they also present opportunities for growth, learning, and self-discovery, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Navigating life changes involves being open to new experiences, perspectives, and relationships. It requires a willingness to let go of what no longer serves us and embrace the unknown. These changes can bring up emotions and feelings that may be uncomfortable or difficult to process, but acknowledging and working through these emotions is crucial for moving forward.

Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be incredibly helpful during times of change. They provide a safe and non-judgmental space to process emotions and develop coping strategies. Navigating life changes also requires a sense of curiosity and adventure, as well as a willingness to take risks and step outside our comfort zones.

Prioritizing self-care and self-compassion during times of change is essential. Recognize that it’s okay not to have all the answers and that adjusting to new circumstances is a process. By navigating life changes with courage and resilience, you can emerge stronger, wiser, and more fulfilled, with a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Life changes can also bring new opportunities for personal and professional growth, whether pursuing a new career or developing new skills and hobbies. Ultimately, navigating life changes is a journey that requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to learn and adapt, leading to a more authentic and meaningful life.

Managing Stress and Conflict

Conflict is inevitable. But constant crisis isn’t.

Love therapy helps couples spot their stress cycles and shift them. That might mean using code words during arguments, or practicing somatic grounding when voices rise. It also involves holding loved ones to task regarding their emotional openness, emphasizing that addressing emotional expression is crucial for personal growth and improving relational dynamics.

With the right tools, conflict becomes a bridge instead of a battlefield.

Fostering Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the compass for every relationship.

It’s knowing what you feel, naming it, and staying regulated enough to express it. For neurodivergent individuals, especially those with alexithymia, this may be a new skill, and that’s okay. Mindfulness practices are introduced in love therapy to help clients connect with their emotions, identify their emotional states, and enhance self-acceptance, fostering emotional intelligence.

We build it gently, together.


How Love Therapy and Love Counseling Support Neurodiverse Couples

1. Improving Communication

We teach tools like:

  • Using “I” statements
  • Timing tough talks
  • Practicing mirroring and validation

One partner might say, “I need some quiet time after work. Can we connect later tonight instead of right away?”

Providing specific examples can help clarify these communication techniques and make them more relatable.

2. Honoring Sensory Needs

This could look like:

  • Soft lighting in shared spaces
  • Noise-canceling headphones during chores
  • Agreements around physical touch and timing

3. Building Emotional Regulation Skills

We introduce:

  • Mindfulness and body scans
  • Emotional cue cards
  • Co-created coping strategies to build emotional maturity and better regulate emotions

4. Celebrating Strengths

Every couple has superpowers—empathy, pattern recognition, humor, and problem-solving. We name them. Celebrate them. Lean into them when things get hard.

5. Creating a Safe Space for Communication

Clear communication is essential in any relationship, but it can be especially challenging for those on the autism spectrum. It’s essential to create a safe and comfortable space where both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.

6. Utilizing Visual Aids

For individuals with autism, visual aids can be extremely helpful in communicating and understanding complex ideas or emotions. These can include charts, diagrams, or even simple drawings to help explain things that may be difficult to express verbally.

7. Practicing Patience and Understanding

Relationships take work, and this is especially true for couples where one partner has autism. It’s important to practice patience and understanding when conflicts arise, instead of struggling again and again.

8. Creating a Supportive Environment

A supportive relationship is one where both partners can exhale.

It includes:

  • Clear boundaries
  • Active listening
  • Emotional safety

We often say in therapy: You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.


Practical Tips for Neurodiverse Couples

1. Practice Radical Acceptance

You are not here to fix each other. You’re here to witness each other with kindness, as God teaches us about forgiveness and self-sacrificing love. Radical acceptance transforms relationships.

2. Set Clear Expectations

Executive dysfunction is real. Shared calendars and visual reminders aren’t “overkill”—they’re love in action.

3. Create Rituals of Connection

They can be five minutes long. But they matter. Choose them. Protect them. Enjoy them.

4. Seek Support

You’re not weak for asking for help. You’re brave. And you’re not alone.

Conclusion: You’re Not Alone

If you’ve made it this far, take a breath. You’re doing the hard, holy work of loving well—and that’s no small thing.

Neurodiverse relationships aren’t about fixing—they’re about finding: finding your rhythm, your voice, your shared way forward. Love therapy can help you do that—with support, not shame.

Let’s build something beautiful. Together.  Reach out today to schedule your FREE “Clarity & Connection” Zoom; I’m here when you’re ready!


Frequently Asked Questions

What’s the difference between neurodiverse love therapy and regular couples therapy?

Love therapy is tailored for neurodiverse couples, focusing on sensory needs, communication differences, and emotional regulation. Traditional therapy often misses these vital layers.

How do I know if we need neurodiverse love counseling?

If you’re looping in the same conflicts, struggling with miscommunication, or feeling disconnected, love therapy can help. You don’t have to wait for a crisis. Love therapy emphasizes the importance of having the desire to build and maintain relationships, ensuring that genuine love involves an active desire for connection both within and beyond one’s immediate circle.

Can love therapy help if only one partner is neurodivergent?

Absolutely. Love therapy supports both partners in understanding, adjusting, and connecting in ways that honor each person’s unique nervous system and needs.

How do we get started?

Schedule a FREE 20-minute “Clarity & Connection” Zoom consultation with me. We’ll explore what’s happening and how we can support your journey. Visit Love on the Autism Spectrum to begin.

The Trauma Tree: Understanding and Healing from the Roots

The Trauma Tree: Understanding and Healing from the Roots

What Is the Trauma Tree?

When it comes to trauma, we often focus on the symptoms that shout the loudest—anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, chronic fatigue. But what if we zoomed out and saw trauma as more than just what’s visible above ground, providing hope for a different perspective ?

Imagine a tree. From birth, the development stages of trauma begin, profoundly affecting an individual’s emotional and psychological growth.

Above the soil, we see its trunk, branches, and leaves. But beneath that, hidden from view, lies the root system—complex, tangled, and foundational. Our trauma is like that. What shows up in daily life—our emotions, behaviors, and patterns—are only the outward expressions of something deeper.

The trauma tree is a metaphor I love using in therapy because it illustrates this perfectly. It helps us understand that to truly heal in the healing process , we must go beneath the surface, down to the roots.

Key Takeaways

  • The trauma tree offers a holistic metaphor for understanding how trauma forms, manifests, and influences every area of life.
  • Healing isn’t just about fixing symptoms—it’s about nurturing the roots and reshaping our internal belief systems.
  • Trauma-informed therapy provides the safe space needed to examine and transform the roots of trauma into opportunities for resilience and growth.

First, an Introduction to Trauma

Trauma isn’t just what happened to you—it’s what happened inside you as a result.

Trauma is often born in our early years, when we’re forming core beliefs about safety, love, and belonging. It can come from underlying causes such as neglect, abuse, loss, medical trauma, systemic oppression, or even being consistently misunderstood by parents. When these experiences go unprocessed, they shape how we see ourselves and relate to the world. The younger a person is when exposed to trauma, the higher their risk of developing trauma-related disorders, as early experiences have a profound impact on emotional and psychological development. Even if children are ‘too young to remember’ these experiences, the trauma can still have lasting effects on their emotional and psychological development.

The trauma tree helps us visualize this:

  • The roots: where trauma begins.
  • The trunk: how it manifests in our beliefs and coping mechanisms.
  • The branches and leaves: the symptoms and behaviors others often see.

This metaphor helps us approach healing with compassion and clarity—no longer asking, “What’s wrong with me?” but instead, “What happened to me?” and “What do I need now?”

Understanding Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma is a profound and lasting experience that can affect an individual’s life, causing a ripple effect that resonates throughout their lifetime. The impact of childhood trauma can be complex and catastrophic, leading to struggles in various aspects of life, including emotional response, relationships, and overall well-being. It is essential to understand that childhood trauma can occur at any stage of development, from prenatal to adolescence, and can be caused by various factors, including physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or loss. Recognizing the signs and symptoms of childhood trauma is crucial in providing a safe environment for healing and recovery. By acknowledging the truth about childhood trauma, we can begin to create a world where children are protected and their experiences are validated, allowing them to grow and develop into healthy, resilient individuals.


Recognizing Different Types of Trauma

Trauma can take many forms, and it is essential to recognize the different types of trauma that individuals may experience. This includes physical trauma, emotional trauma, psychological trauma, and even trauma caused by socioeconomic inequities. Each type of trauma can have a unique impact on an individual’s life, affecting their behaviors, emotions, and relationships. By understanding the various forms of trauma, practitioners can provide more effective support and create a safe environment for healing. The trauma tree model can be a helpful tool in recognizing and addressing the different types of trauma, allowing individuals to begin their healing journey and work towards recovery. It is crucial to approach each individual with empathy and understanding, acknowledging the complexity of their experiences and the impact of trauma on their life.


Recognizing Trauma

Trauma doesn’t always look like what we expect. It can hide in plain sight—in perfectionism, overachievement, emotional shutdown, or chronic people-pleasing, often causing suffering.

Some signs of trauma include:

  • Emotional overwhelm or numbing.
  • Difficulty trusting others.
  • Avoidance of certain situations or relationships.
  • Mood swings, anxiety, depression.
  • Physical symptoms like fatigue or pain.

When we begin to understand trauma not as a pathology, but as a pattern—a response to overwhelming experiences and our emotional response —we can begin to unwind those patterns with compassion. However, when a brain is exposed to high levels of stress hormones, it fails to form healthy neural connections, severely influencing the child’s cognitive and emotional development.

Let’s take a closer look at the parts of the trauma tree and how each one plays a role in shaping your experience.

The Emotional Response

The emotional response to trauma can be intense and overwhelming, causing individuals to feel a range of emotions, from anxiety and fear to anger and sadness. It is essential to recognize that the emotional response to trauma is unique to each individual and can be influenced by various factors, including their childhood experiences, relationships, and coping mechanisms. By acknowledging and validating an individual’s emotional response, practitioners can create a safe environment for healing, allowing them to process their emotions and work towards recovery. The emotional response to trauma can also be affected by the trauma tree, with the roots of the tree representing the traumatic experiences and the branches representing the individual’s response to those experiences. By understanding the emotional response to trauma, we can begin to create a more compassionate and supportive world where individuals feel heard and understood.


The Anatomy of the Trauma Tree

1. The Roots: Where Trauma Begins

The roots are where our emotional story begins. These are the invisible forces beneath the surface—childhood experiences, family dynamics, and societal messages that shape our beliefs and nervous systems during our healing journey. The roots of the trauma tree represent historically significant negative life events that shape us, influencing how we grow and respond to the world around us. These early experiences can have profound long-term effects, often manifesting as challenges in adulthood.

Some common root sources include:

  • Childhood trauma: Abuse, neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or emotional invalidation.
  • Intergenerational trauma: Pain passed down through family systems, often unspoken but deeply felt.
  • Cultural and systemic trauma: Experiences of racism, ableism, sexism, or being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world.
  • Significant life events: Accidents, illnesses, losses, or sudden changes.

When roots are nurtured with care, the tree grows with strength and flexibility. But when roots are fractured by trauma, they can twist around beliefs like “I’m not enough,” “I don’t matter,” or “I must earn love.”

Real-Life Example:

Imagine a child who grows up in a home where emotions are never talked about. They learn to internalize their feelings, believing that vulnerability is unsafe. As an adult, they may struggle with intimacy or feel disconnected in relationships—not realizing these struggles are rooted deep in childhood soil.


2. The Trunk: How Trauma Manifests

The trunk connects those hidden roots to the outward world. It’s where trauma solidifies into core beliefs and coping strategies.

Examples of trauma-related beliefs:

  • “I have to take care of everyone.”
  • “If I mess up, I’ll be abandoned.”
  • “I can’t trust anyone.”
  • “I’m too much.”

And the coping strategies we develop?

  • Hyper-independence
  • People-pleasing
  • Avoidance
  • Overworking or underfunctioning

These behaviors may have helped us survive—but they also limit our ability to thrive. Many of these negative behavior patterns are learned as a result of childhood trauma, highlighting the importance of addressing these patterns through healing and recovery processes. Artificial coping efforts can interfere with true healing for clients, as they often mask the underlying issues rather than addressing them.

These behaviors may have helped us survive—but they also limit our ability to thrive.

Therapy Insight:

In trauma-informed work, we gently challenge the rigidity of the trunk. We begin to notice: “Ah, this belief that I’m unlovable didn’t start today—it started when I was 6 and my needs weren’t met.” This isn’t about blame. It’s about understanding those who have experienced trauma —and from there, transformation becomes possible.


3. The Branches: The Visible Effects of Trauma

This is what the world often sees, as depicted in many self-help book narrativ .

Branches represent the outward symptoms:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Anger
  • Chronic illness or fatigue
  • Addictions
  • Toxic relationship cycles

But here’s the truth: the branches are not the problem. They’re signals. Symptoms that something deeper needs attention.

Real-Life Reflection:

Think of someone who constantly sabotages their own success. On the outside, it may look like laziness or self-doubt. But when you trace it back through the trunk to the roots, you might find a childhood belief that says: “If I shine too brightly, I’ll lose love.”

When we stop blaming the branches and start getting curious about them, we begin to shift the whole system.


4. The Leaves: Day-to-Day Impact

The leaves are where trauma shows up in everyday life.

You might notice:

  • Trouble concentrating
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Feeling numb or shut down
  • Constant overthinking
  • Struggling with boundaries or self-worth

These daily symptoms are often misunderstood. But just like a tree sheds leaves when the season changes, healing is possible. The healing process involves a combination of positive and negative emotions, where individuals often carry both pain and happiness. You are not broken—you are becoming.


The Importance of Addressing the Roots

Healing doesn’t come from chopping off branches. It comes from tending to the soil. From understanding what shaped the roots, and gently rewriting the story from there.

When we tend to the roots:

  • We identify patterns that have silently shaped our lives.
  • We release shame, recognizing our behaviors as survival tools.
  • We build new pathways—ones rooted in self-trust, safety, and agency.

This is why trauma-informed therapy matters, as it fosters a safe environment for healing.


How Trauma-Informed Therapy Can Help

1. Creating a Safe Space

Healing starts with safety, not just physical, but emotional. In a trauma-informed approach, you are seen, heard, and never rushed.

Therapists co-create this safe container by:

  • Honoring your pace.
  • Helping you recognize your triggers without shame.
  • Teaching tools to regulate your nervous system.

Creating a safe space allows patients to express what they are feeling, fostering trust and openness in the therapeutic process.

2. Exploring the Roots

Together, you’ll explore your trauma tree with curiosity and compassion. It is essential to explain the complexities of your trauma to gain a thorough understanding of how it impacts your behavior and identity. What early experiences shaped you? What beliefs did you form? Where are you still holding on to something that no longer serves you?

This process may bring up grief—but also relief.

3. Strengthening the Trunk

As you gain insight, therapy helps you build a stronger trunk:

  • You’ll challenge limiting beliefs.
  • Replace survival patterns with empowered choices.
  • Learn to hold boundaries with care and clarity.

4. Pruning the Branches

Coping mechanisms aren’t bad—they were brilliant adaptations. But we get to ask: Are they still serving you?

In therapy, we gently prune old habits and cultivate healthier expressions:

  • Emotional regulation skills
  • Communication tools
  • Somatic practices for safety and connection

Rebuilding and Rediscovering Oneself

Rebuilding and rediscovering oneself after experiencing trauma can be a challenging and ongoing process. It requires a safe environment, supportive relationships, and a willingness to confront and process painful emotions. The trauma tree model can be a helpful tool in this process, allowing individuals to identify and address the root causes of their trauma and work towards healing. By rebuilding and rediscovering oneself, individuals can begin to regain control over their life, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and cultivate a sense of purpose and meaning. This journey can be difficult, but with the right support and resources, individuals can learn to heal, grow, and thrive. It is essential to approach this journey with patience, compassion, and understanding, acknowledging the complexity of the healing process and the individual’s unique experiences.


Nurturing Growth and Resilience

Healing isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about returning to who you truly are, underneath the trauma.

To support this journey:

  • Practice self-compassion. You’re doing sacred work.
  • Seek community. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation.
  • Celebrate the small wins. Every shift matters.

Like a tree, your growth might not always be visible, but it’s happening. The journey of healing from trauma is a growing process, where each step forward contributes to a more fulfilling life. With care, patience, and support, your trauma tree can grow strong, vibrant, and deeply rooted in your truth.

Sustaining Progress

Sustaining progress in the healing journey can be a challenging but crucial aspect of recovery. It requires ongoing support, self-care, and a commitment to continued growth and development. By sustaining progress, individuals can continue to heal, learn, and evolve, developing greater resilience and coping skills. The trauma tree model can be a helpful tool in sustaining progress, allowing individuals to monitor their growth and development and make adjustments as needed. It is essential to recognize that sustaining progress is an ongoing process, requiring effort, dedication, and patience. By prioritizing self-care, seeking support, and cultivating a growth mindset, individuals can continue to heal, grow, and thrive, creating a brighter, more hopeful future for themselves.

Conclusion: You Are Not Alone

The trauma tree shows us that healing is layered. It invites us to stop blaming the leaves and start tending to the roots. Whether your trauma comes from childhood, cultural wounding, neurodivergent masking, or something else, you are worthy of support and healing as people on this journey.

Let your tree be seen. Let it be held with care. You are not your trauma. You are the soil, the seed, and the bloom.

If you are willing, feel free to reach out to me to schedule a FREE “Clarity & Connection” Zoom session for you or you and your partner. I’m here whenever you’re ready to see in all of your glorious beauty!


Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is the trauma tree?

The trauma tree is a metaphor that illustrates how trauma takes root in past experiences and impacts thoughts, emotions, and behaviors throughout life. It emphasizes the significance of addressing these past traumas to understand current behaviors and emotional responses. It helps individuals understand the layered nature of trauma and where to begin healing. Trauma is a universally experienced emotion, affecting people across all walks of life in different ways.

2. How does trauma-informed therapy address the trauma tree?

Trauma-informed therapy helps individuals explore the roots of their trauma, shift harmful beliefs, and develop new coping strategies. It creates a safe, respectful environment where healing can unfold at your pace.

3. Does the trauma tree apply to all types of trauma?

Yes, the trauma tree can apply to all kinds of trauma, including childhood trauma, medical trauma, intergenerational trauma, and collective or systemic trauma. It offers a flexible, compassionate framework for understanding and healing.

4. How do I start exploring my own trauma tree?

Start with gentle self-reflection or journaling. If possible, work with a trauma-informed therapist. Notice your symptoms without judgment and stay curious about where they might be rooted. Your healing begins with awareness, and you don’t have to do it alone.

The Trauma Recovery Scale: A Path to Healing and Growth

The Trauma Recovery Scale: A Path to Healing and Growth

Healing from traumatic events isn’t a straight line—it’s a winding, deeply personal journey. For many, finding a way to track that journey can bring clarity, relief, and hope. The Trauma Recovery Scale (TRS), created by Judith Herman, is one such compass. It’s not just a clinical tool—it’s a way to witness yourself as you heal. The TRS is supported by numerous academic studies and references.

The TRS helps individuals and therapists assess where someone is in their trauma recovery journey. It includes elements of emotional regulation, safety, and posttraumatic stress disorder symptoms, making it especially helpful for those navigating PTSD. The TRS has been found to be effective and feasible for use among various populations. More than that, it serves as a reminder: progress is possible, and healing doesn’t need to look perfect.

Let’s explore how the Trauma Recovery Scale can become a steady guide in your own path to integration, relief, and reconnection.

Key Takeaways

  • The Trauma Recovery Scale offers structure and clarity for individuals and therapists to assess trauma healing over time, with demonstrated reliability and psychometric properties.
  • Healing is not linear—the Trauma Recovery Scale honors that truth and helps pinpoint key areas like safety, emotional processing, and integration. Various tests are crucial in evaluating mental health conditions, and the TRS fits into this framework by providing valuable insights for treatment planning.
  • Used alongside trauma-informed therapy, the scale can help create personalized, compassionate pathways toward resilience and post-traumatic growth.

What Is the Trauma Recovery Scale?

At its core, the Trauma Recovery Scale is a flexible framework. Part III of the TRS is a critical component for assessing PTSD recovery. It’s designed to support people in recognizing how far they’ve come and what might still need loving attention. It’s especially useful for children recovering from experiences of complex trauma, developmental trauma, or PTSD.

Instead of relying on a vague sense of “getting better,” the scale offers categories and stages to assess emotional, cognitive, and relational changes over time. The TRS measures three distinct domains of parent posttraumatic cognitions, highlighting the importance of understanding these areas in relation to children’s trauma recovery. And while it’s structured, it’s not rigid—it’s meant to adapt to the unique rhythms of your healing.

Key Features Include:

  • Stages of Recovery: Often grounded in Judith Herman’s model—safety, remembrance, and reconnection.
  • Self-Assessment: Reflects emotional regulation, relational health, and coping strategies.
  • Therapeutic Use: Provides shared language for clients and therapists to co-create treatment goals.

The TRS includes specific items that assess various aspects of trauma recovery, such as emotional regulation, relational health, and coping strategies. This tool isn’t about labels—it’s about self-understanding. It offers the kind of clarity that many trauma survivors long for: “Where am I now? What’s next?”


The Three Phases of Trauma Recovery

Most trauma frameworks, including the Trauma Recovery Scale, align with the three foundational phases described by Dr. Judith Herman. These phases are crucial for assessing and measuring recovery from traumatic experiences. These are not milestones you check off, but fluid zones of healing that you may visit more than once. Detailing the respondent’s history of traumatic events within the TRS framework is essential for a comprehensive assessment.

1. Safety and Stabilization

This is the “first things first” phase. When the nervous system has been on high alert for too long after a traumatic event, it needs a landing pad—a felt sense of safety.

You might focus on:

  • Creating physical and emotional safety (in your body, home, and relationships).
  • Learning to manage triggers and overwhelming feelings.
  • Building consistent routines and relationships that support regulation.

The TRS might ask:

  • Do you feel grounded in your day-to-day life?
  • How well are you sleeping, eating, and caring for yourself?
  • Do you have relationships or spaces that feel safe?

This phase is not about avoidance. It’s about stabilization—finding enough calm to allow deeper work to eventually happen.

2. Remembrance and Mourning

Once safety is established, the second phase invites a gentle turning inward. It may include:

  • Revisiting and processing trauma memories experienced (at your own pace).
  • Feeling and mourning what was lost—relationships, innocence, a sense of safety.
  • Challenging harmful beliefs (“It was my fault,” “I’ll never be okay”).

The TRS might explore:

  • Are you able to tolerate strong emotions without shutting down?
  • Are you developing self-compassion for your younger self?
  • Can you tell your story without becoming overwhelmed?

This phase can be heavy. But with the right support, it can also be one of the most liberating. Often, people discover that their grief becomes a doorway to compassion.

3. Reconnection and Integration

The third phase is where you begin to live into your wholeness again. It’s not about forgetting the trauma, but integrating it—letting it take up its rightful space without taking over your life. This phase involves creating and validating assessment tools to measure the integration and reconnection process.

This might look like:

  • Reconnecting with purpose, joy, and your sense of identity.
  • Deepening relationships that are reciprocal and nourishing.
  • Choosing meaningful goals, hobbies, or creative pursuits.

The TRS might reflect:

  • Are you experiencing more joy and aliveness?
  • Do you have a sense of agency in your choices?
  • Are you able to relate to others with more ease and authenticity?

It’s important to say: integration doesn’t mean the trauma vanishes. It means it no longer runs the show.


How the Trauma Recovery Scale Supports Healing

The Trauma Recovery Scale isn’t just about data—it’s about meaning-making. The information collected from the TRS is crucial for guiding treatment plans and tailoring interventions effectively. When used intentionally, it can address issues like substance use and other related challenges.

Moreover, the development of specific measures to evaluate recovery from trauma for adults is essential. These measures help in creating and validating assessment tools that quantify cognitive appraisals and resiliency factors, ultimately improving understanding and treatment outcomes for those affected by traumatic experiences.

1. Offer a Mirror

Trauma recovery can feel messy and non-linear. The TRS helps organize that mess just enough to see your progress and patterns by assessing the level of symptoms and their frequency. This clarity can ease self-doubt and reduce the feeling of “going in circles.”

2. Cultivate Self-Compassion

By showing the stages of healing, the TRS normalizes stuck points and setbacks by assessing the frequency and duration of symptoms. Instead of thinking “I’m failing,” you might realize, “Oh, I’m just in the stabilization phase again.” That shift alone can transform how you speak to yourself.

3. Support Therapy Goals

For therapists, the TRS can be a shared map. It allows for collaborative treatment planning and focuses on specific needs for adolescents, like emotional regulation, identity work, or grief processing.

4. Empower Growth

Healing isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about reclaiming your life. Leading research shows that parental negative appraisals, such as the belief that children may never ‘lead a normal life again’, can significantly influence children’s recovery from trauma. The TRS can help highlight the areas where your strength is showing up—your resilience, your capacity for love, your ability to stay present.


Practical Ways to Use the Trauma Recovery Scale

Work with a Trauma-Informed Therapist

This is key. A trained therapist can help interpret your TRS results and offer tools tailored to your needs. If you’re in a trauma-informed setting, they may also use the scale as a regular check-in tool during your sessions.

Reflect Honestly, Gently

Use the TRS as a journal prompt. Ask yourself:

  • What feels like growth this week?
  • Where do I still feel stuck or numb?
  • What support would help me most right now?

Remember: note your experiences related to trauma and its ongoing impact on your life. Reflection is for insight, not shame.

Set Small, Loving Goals

Recovery is built on tiny actions. Depending on where you are:

  • In the safety phase, try a daily grounding practice.
  • In the remembrance phase, journal about a younger version of yourself.
  • In the reconnection phase, say yes to something playful or joyful.

The development of new measurement scales, such as the Trauma Resiliency Scale and the Thinking About Recovery Scale, emphasizes the importance of systematic processes in understanding and improving recovery from traumatic experiences.

Celebrate Everything

Seriously—everything. Got out of bed? That’s a win. Set a boundary? That’s gold. Each step forward deserves recognition. Recovery is not measured in leaps but in steps, breaths, and tiny moments of courage. Evaluating the frequency of these small victories can provide valuable insights into an adult individual’s progress and psychological state.

Healing Is a Journey—Not a Destination

The Trauma Recovery Scale reminds us that healing is not linear. It ebbs and flows, loops and spirals. But with compassionate tools like this, we can begin to chart a course—one rooted in clarity, patience, and deep care.

A meta-analysis of various psychological treatments shows that comprehensive research is crucial in evaluating the effectiveness of interventions for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Your healing deserves to be witnessed, not rushed. You are not broken. You are becoming. And every phase, every falter and every flourish, is part of your story.

Let’s keep moving forward—together.

I can help you on your journey of trauma recovery, as a therapist with advanced training in trauma,  attachment, and body-focused therapies. Together, we can create a safe space for you to explore the impact of trauma on your adult life and find ways to heal and thrive. Reach out to me today to schedule a “Clarity and Connection” Zoom to learn more about the ways we can work together!


Frequently Asked Questions

What is the Trauma Recovery Scale?

The Trauma Recovery Scale is a training, reflective, non-diagnostic tool that tracks progress in healing from trauma. It identifies which stage of recovery a person is currently in—such as safety, mourning, or integration—and helps guide both personal insight and therapeutic direction.

Is the TRS only for people with PTSD?

No. While it’s especially helpful for people navigating PTSD symptoms, the TRS is a flexible tool for anyone healing from trauma, including developmental, relational, or complex trauma. It’s often used by therapists, but can also be meaningful for individuals engaged in self-healing work. Assessments specific to ADHD, particularly in adolescents, can also benefit from the TRS, highlighting its relevance in both research and clinical practice.

Can I use the TRS without a therapist?

Yes, but with caution. While self-reflection is powerful, a trauma-informed therapist can help interpret your responses, co-regulate during emotionally difficult moments, and support safe pacing. The authors, with their extensive backgrounds in psychology and research on childhood trauma and mental health outcomes, emphasize that the TRS can feel overwhelming without support, so PLEASE don’t go it alone if you don’t have to.

How long does trauma recovery take?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Recovery is deeply individual. The duration and frequency of symptoms can vary greatly among individuals, and some people in a support group may revisit different phases over time. The TRS honors that nonlinear path and helps you recognize progress even when it feels slow. It’s not about rushing—it’s about honoring your pace.

Sensory Processing Disorder: Key Symptoms and Solutions

Sensory Processing Disorder: Key Symptoms and Solutions

Imagine a world where the slightest touch, taste, sound, or even a change in light triggers a whirlwind of overwhelming sensations. For individuals living with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), this is their reality—a constant struggle to process and respond to sensory information in a way that feels manageable. Everyday tasks like getting dressed, eating, or being in a crowded space can feel daunting and exhausting. Navigating daily life with SPD is challenging, but increased awareness, understanding, and tailored strategies can significantly improve their quality of life and help them thrive.

In this blog post, we’ll explore the details of SPD and provide valuable insights on recognizing signs, understanding its relationship with other conditions, and finding the most effective treatment approaches.

Key Takeaways

  • Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a neurological condition that affects children and adults, impacting everyday life.
  • Recognizing the signs of SPD is essential for providing appropriate support, such as occupational therapy techniques and home/school and work accommodations.
  • Caregivers should also provide guidance on effective self-regulation techniques to help those affected become more self-sufficient.

Understanding Sensory Processing Disorder

Sensory Processing Disorder, also known as sensory processing difficulties, affects how the brain processes sensory information, leading to over- or under-sensitivity to stimuli. This can significantly impact daily life and activities for individuals who experience it, most commonly diagnosed during childhood. In some cases, SPD can co-occur with other conditions, such as autism spectrum disorder or ADHD, further complicating the picture.

Another critical issue is the SPM is not included in the DSM-5 TR, which means many individuals with SPD are often not formally diagnosed. However, this does not mean that they do not experience the challenges associated with sensory processing difficulties. Caregivers, loved ones, and workplaces must know these challenges and provide the necessary accommodations as much as possible.

Definition and prevalence

SPD is when an individual has difficulty organizing and responding to sensory input, resulting in either over-sensitivity or under-sensitivity to stimuli. It is more commonly seen in children, though adults may also be affected. The two types of sensory processing challenges are oversensitivity (hypersensitivity) and undersensitivity (hyposensitivity).

Sensory-seeking behavior, for instance, refers to the act of seeking additional sensory stimulation. Understanding the prevalence and various manifestations of SPD is necessary for providing suitable support and interventions.

Impacts on everyday life

The effects of SPD on daily life can be profound, influencing social settings, education, and emotional regulation. For example, SPD individuals may have difficulties performing daily living activities, reduced self-confidence, and issues in social interactions and play. These challenges can, in turn, affect overall well-being, life satisfaction, and general functioning.

Learning to cope with sensory processing issues is especially important for children, as they may struggle with emotional regulation, leading to outbursts or shutdowns. Sensory diets involving tailored activities and supports can help regulate emotions and improve overall functioning for individuals with SPD.

Recognizing the Signs of Sensory Processing Disorder

Identifying the signs of SPD represents a key initial step in addressing the disorder. The primary signs include overreacting and underreacting to stimuli and sensory-seeking behaviors. By observing these signs, parents and professionals can better understand the individual’s sensory needs and provide appropriate support.

Overreacting to stimuli

Overreacting to stimuli may involve extreme reactions to sounds, textures, or smells, leading to avoidance behaviors. For instance, individuals with SPD may experience distress or irritation when exposed to loud noises, certain fabrics, or strong odors.

Identifying these triggers and comprehending the individual’s sensory needs helps provide targeted support to alleviate discomfort and enhance quality of life.

Underreacting to stimuli

Conversely, underreacting to stimuli can result in a lack of response to pain, temperature, or other sensory input. This can harm an individual’s safety, as they may not notice or react appropriately to potential environmental dangers.

Comprehending and addressing this aspect of SPD is necessary for the safety and well-being of affected individuals.

Sensory seeking behaviors

A strong desire for sensory stimulation characterizes sensory-seeking behaviors. Individuals with SPD may actively seek out sensory experiences across the five senses, such as:

  • Movement
  • Lights
  • Colors
  • Sounds
  • Smells
  • Tastes

that excite them.

Recognizing and addressing these sensory-seeking behaviors can help individuals with SPD meet their sensory needs safely and appropriately.

Types and Subtypes of Sensory Processing Disorder

Comprehending the various types and subtypes of SPD is necessary to provide targeted support and interventions. These subtypes involve different sensory systems, such as:

  • Visual
  • Auditory
  • Tactile
  • Olfactory
  • Gustatory
  • Vestibular
  • Proprioceptive
  • Interoceptive

By recognizing the specific subtype affecting an individual, parents, and professionals can better tailor support and interventions to address their unique sensory challenges.

Sensory modulation disorder

Sensory modulation disorder involves difficulty regulating responses to sensory input, which can result in over- or under-sensitivity. This subtype can significantly impact an individual’s sensory processing, leading to daily life and activities challenges.

Comprehending the nuances of sensory modulation disorder can help provide suitable support and interventions to meet the unique needs of those affected.

Sensory discrimination disorder

Sensory discrimination disorder affects the ability to perceive and interpret sensory information accurately. This subtype can make it difficult for individuals with SPD to differentiate between:

  • Textures
  • Sounds
  • Tastes
  • Smells

This can lead to challenges in processing and responding appropriately to their environment.

By recognizing the presence of sensory discrimination disorder and sensory integration dysfunction, parents and professionals can provide targeted support and interventions to help individuals better navigate their sensory experiences.

Sensory-based motor disorder

The sensory-based motor disorder impacts motor skills and coordination due to sensory processing challenges. This subtype can hinder an individual’s ability to perform daily tasks and participate in activities that require precise movements, such as playing sports or engaging in hobbies.

Comprehending the impact of sensory-based motor disorder on an individual’s life can aid parents and professionals in providing suitable support and interventions to address their motor and coordination challenges.

The Relationship Between Sensory Processing Disorder and Other Conditions

SPD often co-occurs with other conditions, such as ADHD and autism spectrum disorder. This can make it difficult to differentiate between the various disorders and provide targeted support. However, understanding the unique relationship between SPD and these co-occurring conditions is crucial for ensuring that individuals receive the appropriate treatment and support to address their specific sensory challenges. Understanding the interplay between SPD and other conditions can help parents and professionals provide targeted support and interventions to address the unique needs of affected individuals.

Some people use the terms Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) interchangeably, but they are not the same. SPD refers to a neurological condition that affects how the brain processes sensory information, often leading to significant challenges in daily life. On the other hand, being an HSP describes a personality trait where individuals are more sensitive to environmental stimuli, emotions, and sensory input, but it doesn’t necessarily disrupt their ability to function.

Distinctions between related disorders

Recognizing the differences between SPD and related disorders is crucial for providing appropriate treatment and support. For example, while autism spectrum disorder encompasses a range of social, communication, and behavioral difficulties in addition to sensory issues, SPD primarily impacts sensory processing. Understanding these distinctions can help parents and professionals better tailor support and interventions to meet individuals with SPD and co-occurring conditions’ unique needs.

Potential Causes and Risk Factors

The causes of SPD are not yet fully understood, but it is believed that the following factors may contribute to the development of the disorder:

  • Genetic predisposition
  • Birth complications
  • Environmental influences
  • Presence of co-occurring conditions

Recent studies have indicated that there may be genetic influences on sensory processing disorders, potentially including shared genetic factors with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). However, the precise genetic sources of SPD are still being investigated.

Birth complications such as prematurity, birth injury, and prenatal or perinatal complications may also be linked to SPD. Environmental factors, such as variations in sensory processing and low tolerance for tasks, may further contribute to the development of the disorder.

Comprehending SPD’s potential causes and risk factors is key for early intervention and targeted support.

Diagnosing Sensory Processing Disorder

Diagnosing SPD can be a complex process, often involving the expertise of occupational therapists who can evaluate a child’s behavior and sensory processing through assessments and observations. During the Adult Autism Spectrum Assessments I offer, I used the SPM-2, which measures sensory processing across eight different areas: social participation, vision, hearing, touch, body awareness, balance and motion, planning and ideas for action, and regulation.

Challenges in diagnosis

Diagnosing SPD can be complicated by co-occurring conditions and the varying symptoms affected individuals exhibit. Again, SPD is not yet recognized as an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5), which can make navigating insurance coverage and treatment options challenging.

Despite these challenges, identifying the signs of SPD and seeking professional help are vital for addressing the disorder and enhancing the quality of life for those affected.

Treatment Approaches for Sensory Processing Disorder

A variety of treatment approaches are available for individuals with SPD, with occupational therapy being one of the most effective and commonly used modalities. Occupational therapy addresses sensory input and helps individuals respond to and manage sensory challenges, improving their overall functioning and quality of life.

Occupational therapy techniques

Occupational therapy techniques for SPD include:

  • Speech therapy
  • ABA (behavior) therapy
  • Developmental therapy
  • Physical therapy

In addition, enjoyable and stimulating activities can challenge the senses without causing sensory overload or excessive stress.

Neourdiverse Therapists and Coaches’ therapy options

Therapists and coaches who specialize in working with neurodiverse individuals offer a range of therapy options for individuals with SPD or on the autism spectrum. These therapies often focus on developing social skills, enhancing communication, and promoting self-regulation techniques.

Working closely with a qualified therapist or coach is essential to identifying the most effective treatment approach tailored to each individual’s unique needs. Sensory processing disorder can look very different from person to person, with some experiencing hypersensitivity to stimuli while others may struggle with under-responsiveness.

As a Neurodivergent Therapist and Coach, I specialize in working with adults to assess, understand, and navigate sensory processing challenges. My goal is to provide personalized strategies and support, helping clients better manage their experiences and improve their daily lives. Together, we work toward building greater awareness and creating environments and routines that align with their sensory needs.

Sensory integration therapy effectiveness

Sensory integration therapy combines occupational and physical therapy techniques to address SPD, but its effectiveness is still being researched. Occupational therapists often incorporate sensory integration therapy into their treatment plans for individuals with SPD, offering a comprehensive approach to addressing sensory challenges. However, more research is needed to fully understand the effectiveness of this therapy in improving sensory processing and overall functioning.

Creating a sensory diet

A sensory diet is a tailored list of sensory activities and supports designed to help individuals with SPD self-regulate and satisfy their sensory needs. Working with an occupational therapist, caregivers can develop a sensory diet that includes deep pressure, joint compression, and proprioceptive activities. This aids individuals with SPD in learning self-regulation techniques and managing their sensory challenges.

Supporting Individuals with Sensory Processing Disorder

Supporting individuals with SPD involves:

  • Understanding their unique sensory needs
  • Providing appropriate accommodations and interventions
  • Collaborating with occupational therapists and other professionals
  • Ensuring that individuals with SPD receive the necessary support to manage their sensory challenges
  • Improving their overall quality of life

Home and school accommodations

Providing accommodations at home and school can help individuals with SPD feel more comfortable and supported. Standard home accommodations may include creating a sensory-friendly environment, providing a designated quiet space, and utilizing sensory-friendly furniture and materials.

In a school setting, accommodations may include providing a quiet workspace or ‘calm down’ area, seating the student away from doors, windows, or buzzing lights, and offering access to sensory tools.

Work accommodations

Accommodations can be made for adults with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) in the workforce to help them better manage sensory challenges and thrive in their roles. These accommodations can include providing noise-canceling headphones to reduce auditory distractions in noisy environments, creating a quiet workspace to minimize sensory overload, or offering a flexible work schedule to allow for necessary breaks.

Employers can also consider adjusting lighting, reducing strong scents in the office, or allowing remote work options to create a more sensory-friendly workplace. These small but impactful changes can significantly affect an employee’s ability to perform effectively and feel comfortable in their work environment.

Encouraging self-regulation

Encouraging self-regulation techniques can empower individuals with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) to manage their sensory challenges more effectively and independently. These techniques provide tools to help individuals recognize and respond to their sensory needs healthily.

Some of the most beneficial self-regulation methods include mindfulness-based meditation, which encourages a calm awareness of the present moment; deep breathing exercises, which help reduce stress and promote relaxation; progressive muscle relaxation, which involves tensing and relaxing different muscle groups to release physical tension; and guided imagery, a mental exercise that uses visualization to create calming and positive sensory experiences. By consistently practicing these strategies, individuals with SPD can develop better-coping mechanisms, navigate their sensory experiences with more control, and significantly improve their overall well-being and quality of life.

Navigating Insurance and Financial Concerns

Navigating insurance coverage for SPD treatment can be difficult due to the lack of official diagnosis recognition. However, understanding available options and working closely with healthcare professionals can help alleviate financial concerns.

Seeking guidance from insurance providers and exploring alternative funding sources enables families to ensure their loved ones receive the necessary support and treatment for SPD.

Summary

Throughout this comprehensive guide, we have delved into the complexities of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), shedding light on everything from its causes and symptoms to the various treatment approaches and accommodations available. SPD affects how individuals process and respond to sensory information, significantly impacting their daily lives, relationships, and overall well-being. By understanding the unique challenges faced by those with SPD, caregivers, educators, and professionals can work collaboratively to provide personalized support and interventions. These efforts may include therapy, sensory integration techniques, and creating sensory-friendly environments to help individuals navigate their world more comfortably.

Raising awareness of SPD is crucial in fostering empathy and reducing stigmas, ensuring those affected feel seen, understood, and supported. Together, we can continue championing greater understanding and advocating for resources that improve the quality of life for individuals with SPD. Let’s commit to walking alongside them toward a brighter, sensory-balanced future where they can thrive and reach their full potential.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the signs of sensory processing disorder?

Signs of sensory processing disorder include feeling that clothing is too scratchy or itchy, lights seem too bright, sounds seem too loud, soft touches, thinking too hard, gagging on food textures, poor balance, and fear of playing on the swings.

What are the four types of sensory processing disorders?

Sensory processing disorder (SPD) comprises four patterns: low registration, sensation seeking, sensory sensitivity, and sensation avoiding.

What are sensory meltdown symptoms?

Sensory meltdowns can involve crying, screaming, hitting, kicking, or withdrawing. It is essential to recognize these as requests for help rather than “bad behavior.”

What is SPD?

Sensory processing disorder (SPD) is a condition that affects how the brain processes sensory information from sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. It may lead to being overly sensitive to stimuli, making it difficult for some to interpret their environment.

Understanding the Feelings Wheel: A Guide to Naming Emotions

Understanding the Feelings Wheel: A Guide to Naming Emotions

The Feelings Wheel, originally developed by therapist Gloria Willcox in 1982, isn’t just a visual tool—it’s a gentle invitation to explore the inner landscape of your emotional world. For many, especially neurodivergent individuals, emotions can feel like a foreign language. This tool helps translate that language without shame, pressure, or overwhelm.

In this guide, we’ll dive into the Feelings Wheel, why it matters, and how it can transform emotional understanding for yourself and your relationships. Whether you’re navigating alexithymia, emotional shutdown, or want to become more emotionally fluent and practice emotional regulation, the Feelings Wheel can serve as a trustworthy guide.

Key Takeaways

  • The Feelings Wheel brings clarity and language to your emotional experiences, making growth and self-awareness more possible.
  • It’s especially helpful for neurodivergent individuals who experience emotional disconnection, shutdown, or masking. By providing a better understanding of their emotions, it helps them articulate their feelings more effectively.
  • Using it in relationships builds empathy, reduces miscommunication, and fosters a sense of emotional safety.

Emotional Intelligence: The Foundation

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to notice, name, and work with your feelings, while also doing the same with others. It’s not about being perfect or always calm; it’s about being real and responsive. Think of EI as the emotional glue in relationships, communities, and personal growth. Poor emotional regulation can harm relationships and lead to regretful actions. When we build our EI, we improve everything from conflict resolution to resilience by positively influencing our behavior. And the Feelings Wheel? It’s one of the simplest and most profound tools to begin that journey.

What Is the Feelings Wheel?

The Feelings Wheel organizes emotions into layers:

  • Core Feelings: Sad, Mad, Scared, Joyful, Powerful, Peaceful The primary emotions in the Feelings Wheel include happiness, sadness, anger, and fear.
  • Secondary Feelings: Emotions that expand on the core, like hurt or nervous
  • Tertiary Feelings: Specific nuances like ashamed or hopeful

This structure creates a roadmap for the exploration of emotions. When someone says “I feel bad,” the wheel helps them go deeper: Are they disappointed? Lonely? Embarrassed? Secondary emotions stem from primary emotions and offer a more nuanced understanding. It’s a subtle but transformational shift—especially for those who’ve spent a lifetime masking, disconnecting, or not being taught the language of feelings, which can lead to frustration.

Why Naming Emotions Matters

Naming emotions helps the brain calm down. Literally. It activates the prefrontal cortex—the area that supports reflection, regulation, choice, and can help manage anxiety. This is why therapist Dan Siegel coined the phrase “Name it to tame it.”

For many neurodivergent clients I’ve worked with—especially those with autism, ADHD, or trauma histories—finding the right words is a healing act. It’s not just semantics. It’s power. It’s dignity.

Imagine a woman who grew up never being allowed to express anger. Now, in her 40s, she’s exhausted but can’t figure out why. She looks at the Feelings Wheel and points to “resentful.” Her eyes fill with tears. There it is. Finally, a word that fits. She realizes that her exhaustion stems from years of unacknowledged resentment. That moment? That’s therapy. That’s reclamation.


Therapist Insight: Why the Feelings Wheel Works

Here’s why therapists and I use it weekly in our practice for effective coping:

  1. It Offers a Shared LanguageClients often say, “I don’t know what I’m feeling.” The wheel takes away the guesswork. It gives us a place to start—without judgment.
  2. It Builds Emotional GranularityGranularity means you’re not just “mad,” you’re “frustrated” or “irritated.” This matters because each emotion calls for a different kind of care or action.
  3. It Fosters Self-CompassionNaming emotions invites kindness. Instead of saying “I’m just being dramatic,” you might say, “I feel ignored—and that makes sense given how things have been lately.”
  4. It Encourages Autonomy in RelationshipsKnowing your emotions helps you express them clearly, reducing the need for your partner to mind-read or decode your silence.

How to Use the Feelings Wheel

Here’s a simple way to get started:

Step 1: Pause & Breathe  Check in with your body for any signs of stress. Are your shoulders tight? Jaw clenched? Heart racing?

Step 2: Start at the Center  Look at the six core feelings. Which one resonates?

Step 3: Move Outward  Choose the secondary or tertiary emotion that feels like the best fit. You might land on “inadequate” or “hopeful.” Go with what clicks.

Step 4: Use This Sentence Stem  “Right now, I feel _* because _*.” This helps in expressing your emotions clearly. Example: “I feel overwhelmed because I’ve been masking all day.”

Real-Life Example: Jake & Talia

Jake is autistic. Talia has ADHD. Their communication breakdowns were becoming frequent and painful. In one session, Talia shared: “You never talk to me about your day. It makes me feel invisible.”

Jake froze. After some time with the Feelings Wheel, he said: “I feel inadequate. I want to answer you, but I get stuck trying to say the ‘right’ thing fast enough. I shut down.”

That one moment—naming the feeling—moved them from conflict to connection, helping them cope with their emotions more effectively.

Using the Feelings Wheel with Neurodivergent Clients

If you’re a therapist, coach, or loved one of someone who’s neurodivergent, here are a few ways to integrate the Feelings Wheel:

  • Print it out and have it available in sessions.
  • Let clients circle words or point silently.
  • Use it as a journaling tool.
  • Anchor emotional awareness through color, art, or movement.
  • Normalize numbness, confusion, or mixed emotions.
  • Parents can model effective emotion regulation strategies for their children, helping them become more self aware.

This is especially useful for those navigating alexithymia or emotional overwhelm, as it can help regain control.


Emotion Regulation Strategies

Once you’ve named your emotion, then what?

Regulation tools come next. These might include:

  • Deep breathing (inhale for 4, exhale for 6)
  • Grounding techniques (feet on the floor, hand on heart)
  • Movement (walk, stretch, dance)
  • Cognitive reframing (“What’s another way to look at this?”)
  • Sensory comfort (weighted blanket, essential oils)
  • Emotional intelligence affects physical health by helping reduce stress-related health problems.

The Feelings Wheel doesn’t fix the emotion or behaviors, but it sets the stage for healing by promoting self-regulation.

Benefits of Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence and mental health. It’s the ability to manage and respond to your emotional experiences in a balanced way. Practicing emotional regulation can transform your life in numerous ways.

Firstly, it helps you manage stress and anxiety more effectively. By recognizing and naming your emotions, you can prevent them from overwhelming you. This leads to a more positive emotional state and increased self-awareness. Imagine feeling frustrated at work; instead of letting it ruin your day, you can identify the feeling, understand its source, and take steps to address it.

Emotional regulation also enhances personal relationships. When you can respond thoughtfully to emotional situations rather than acting on impulse, you create a more empathetic and understanding environment. This reduces conflicts and fosters deeper connections. For example, instead of snapping at a partner during a disagreement, you can express your feelings calmly and constructively.

Moreover, emotional regulation allows you to gain insight into your emotional experiences. By understanding your feelings, you can make more informed decisions and navigate complex emotional situations with greater ease. This self-awareness is a key component of emotional quotient (EQ), which is crucial for managing stress, recognizing emotions, and building strong relationships.

Improving your emotional regulation skills also boosts your social awareness and relationship management abilities. You become more adept at recognizing and understanding the emotions of others, which enhances your interactions and relationships. This skill is invaluable in both personal and professional settings, leading to a more fulfilling life.

Remember, emotional regulation is a skill that can be developed with practice. By consistently working on it, you can enhance your emotional intelligence and achieve greater emotional balance and well-being.

Navigating Complex Emotions

Navigating complex emotions is a vital aspect of emotional intelligence and emotional regulation. It requires a deep understanding of your emotional experiences and states, as well as the ability to manage them effectively.

Developing emotional awareness is the first step. By recognizing emotional patterns and triggers, you can better navigate complex emotional situations. For instance, if you notice that certain situations make you feel anxious, you can prepare yourself to handle them more effectively.

Emotional regulation plays a crucial role in this process. It enables you to manage your emotional responses and approach emotional situations thoughtfully and reflectively. Instead of reacting impulsively, you can take a step back, assess your feelings, and choose a more constructive response.

Navigating complex emotions also requires a high degree of self-awareness, empathy, and social awareness. Understanding your own emotions is essential, but so is recognizing and understanding the emotional experiences of others. This empathy allows you to respond to others in a more supportive and understanding way.

Effective navigation of complex emotions leads to greater emotional intelligence, improved relationships, and increased personal growth. It helps you develop resilience and adaptability, allowing you to manage stress and anxiety more effectively. For example, when faced with a challenging emotional situation, you can use your emotional regulation skills to stay calm and respond constructively.

Remember, navigating complex emotions is an ongoing process that requires effort and practice. By committing to self-awareness and personal growth, you can achieve greater emotional balance and well-being.


Using the Feelings Wheel for Personal Growth

The Feelings Wheel is a powerful tool for personal growth and emotional development. It helps you recognize, understand, and manage your emotional experiences more effectively.

By using the Feelings Wheel, you can gain a deeper understanding of your emotional states and develop greater emotional awareness. This allows you to navigate complex emotional situations with more confidence and ease. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, the Feelings Wheel can help you pinpoint whether it’s due to stress, anxiety, or another underlying emotion.

The Feelings Wheel also helps you identify patterns and triggers in your emotional experiences. By recognizing these, you can develop more effective coping strategies for managing stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions. This proactive approach leads to a more balanced emotional state.

Furthermore, the Feelings Wheel facilitates personal growth by helping you understand your emotional strengths and weaknesses. This nuanced understanding allows you to work on areas that need improvement and leverage your strengths. For instance, if you realize you often feel inadequate, you can take steps to build your self-esteem and confidence.

Using the Feelings Wheel also enhances your self-awareness, empathy, and social awareness. It helps you understand not only your own emotions but also the emotions of others. This improved emotional intelligence leads to better relationships and a more fulfilling life.

Incorporating the Feelings Wheel into your personal growth practice can be transformative. Use it alongside other emotional regulation strategies, such as mindfulness and self-reflection, to develop a comprehensive approach to emotional development. By doing so, you’ll gain a profound understanding of your emotional experiences and develop effective strategies for managing your emotional states, leading to greater emotional balance and well-being.

Improving Your Emotional Quotient (EQ)

Emotional Quotient isn’t fixed. You can grow it by applying your knowledge of emotional intelligence. Every time you pause, name a feeling, recognize it, and respond with care—you’re rewiring your brain.

Some growth practices include:

  • Journaling your daily feelings
  • Weekly emotion check-ins with a partner
  • Noticing patterns in your reactivity
  • Practicing empathy: “What might they be feeling?”

Over time, your EQ rises. And with it, your capacity to be present, loving, and authentic.


A Gentle Reminder

You are not broken if you feel disconnected from your emotions.

You are not behind if emotional language is new to you.

You are not alone if this takes time.

The Feelings Wheel is not a test. It’s a doorway. Walk through at your own pace, in your own way. You don’t need to get it “right”—you just need to begin. Moving forward, understanding the roots of inaction is crucial for fostering progress in your emotional well-being.

“Home Play” Practice: Daily Emotional Check-In

Try this 5-minute practice:

  1. Look at the Feelings Wheel.
  2. Start with one core emotion and move outward.
  3. Complete the sentence: “Today I feel _* because _*,” paying attention to your own feelings and how they influence your emotions.
  4. Ask yourself: “What do I need?”

Try it for one week. You may be surprised how quickly your emotional vocabulary—and self-trust—begin to grow.

Want a Printable Feelings Wheel?

✨ I’ve created a free, therapist-approved, full-color printable version of the Feelings Wheel specifically for neurodivergent individuals and couples. It includes gentle prompts for using it solo or in relationships, helping you stay within your comfort zone while exploring and managing your emotions.

📩 Click here to download your 8 1/2 by 11 Handout of the Feelings Wheel.


Frequently Asked Questions

What makes the Feelings Wheel different from a feelings chart?

While many feelings charts use facial expressions and simple words like “happy” or “sad,” the Feelings Wheel goes deeper. It helps you pinpoint your emotional state with specificity and supports emotional literacy across different layers. By exploring a range of emotions through the wheel, users can gain a broader perspective that enhances their ability to relate to the feelings of others, fostering empathy and improving communication in relationships.

Is the Feelings Wheel only for people in therapy?

Nope. It’s for anyone who wants to better understand themselves or others and become more emotionally aware. It’s especially useful for neurodivergent folks, parents, couples, and those healing from trauma.

What if I feel more than one emotion at once?

Welcome to being human. Emotions are rarely tidy. You can feel grief and relief, joy and fear, or even contentment amidst uncertainty. The Feelings Wheel helps you honor complexity instead of simplifying or bypassing it, allowing for both sadness and happiness.

I feel numb. What do I do?

Start with sensations. Numbness often masks exhaustion, fear, or grief. Many people struggle to accurately identify these emotions, which can impact their emotional intelligence. Ask: “Where do I feel numb? What’s beneath that?” You may uncover emotions like despair or overwhelm. Begin gently, and use the wheel as a companion—not a taskmaster.

Final Thought

The Feelings Wheel is a map—not the territory. But it offers something deeply human: a way back to yourself and a new perspective. One word at a time. One breath at a time. One honest check-in at a time. Understanding and expressing your feelings enables you to take appropriate actions in your emotional life, manage your responses more effectively, and explore deeper meanings related to your emotions.

Let yourself feel. Let yourself name. Let yourself be known—especially to yourself.