Private Podcast
Are You Tired of Holding It All?
A Private Podcast for Partners of Neurodivergent People — Who Feel Emotionally Exhausted
By Barbara (Blaze) Lazarony, LMFT | Therapist. Neurodivergent Woman. Truth Teller.
Why This Podcast Exists
You’re here because something’s been hurting for a while.
You love someone who is neurodivergent — maybe Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, or undiagnosed.
They’re brilliant. Unique. Loyal.
And also… emotionally unavailable. Shutdown. Hard to reach.
Of trying to connect.
Of walking on eggshells.
Of being the one who carries the emotional weight of the entire relationship.
This podcast is for you.
Whether you identify as a woman, a nonbinary partner, or someone who overfunctions in love.
This private series is here to help you come back to yourself, with clarity, compassion, and zero shame.
What You’ll Hear
Each episode is under 35 minutes — calming, emotionally resonant, and grounded in lived experience.
Listen while walking, driving, or hiding in the bathroom for a moment of peace.
Every episode includes:
- Nervous system insight
- Stories from real relationships
- Journaling prompts
- Gentle reflection
- Clear next steps — that don’t depend on your partner changing
Tired of Holding It All? Episode Topics
Episode 1: When Holding It All Becomes Too Heavy
You’re not broken. You’re tired. This episode helps you name that truth with zero shame.
Episode 2: The Hidden Cost of Loving Without Being Seen
You love him. But you feel like you’re speaking into a canyon and only hearing your own echo. This episode explores emotional starvation, misattunement, and how we start to believe invisibility is love.
Episode 3: Is It Neurodivergence, Trauma, or Both?
You’re not broken — you’re wired. Or wounded. Or both. Let’s untangle the overlap between trauma and neurodivergence and what it means for the way you love and lose yourself.
Episode 4: Your Nervous System in Love: All 8 F Responses
Beyond fight, flight, freeze, fawn — your body’s survival wisdom includes feed, fornicate, faint, and flock.
Episode 5: The Emotional Labor No One Sees (But You Carry Every Day)
From invisible management to soul-tiredness — we name it all here.
Episode 6: When You’re Trying, But It Still Feels Like You’re Talking to a Wall
The pain of misattunement — and what to do before you shut down.
Episode 7: When You Start to Lose Yourself to Keep the Peace
Performing calm isn’t the same as feeling safe. Here’s how to stop disappearing.
Episode 8: Reclaiming Your Voice, One Boundary at a Time
Boundaries aren’t arguments — they’re clarity-enriching moments. Let’s begin.
Episode 9: After the Boundary: The Wobble, the Shift, and What to Do Next
You set the boundary. Now what? Let’s stay with you.
Episode 10: When Hope Becomes Real
When one person truly changes, the whole relationship can begin to shift. This is earned, relational hope.
Episode 11: Where You Go from Here
Stay or go. Rebuild or release. This closing episode helps you choose your next step — from clarity, not collapse.
BONUS: After the Shoreline, Pt. 1 – Why Therapy Didn’t Work — And Why You’re Not the Problem
BONUS: After the Shoreline, Pt. 2 – Are We Too Different to Make It Work?
BONUS: After the Shoreline, Pt. 3 – Can You Heal If You’re the Only One Willing?
BONUS: After the Shoreline, Pt. 4 – When You Want to Leave—But Still Hope It Could Work
BONUS: After the Shoreline, Pt. 5 –There’s Nothing Wrong With You—You’re Just Ready for More
A Special Guided Meditation Episode Just For You…
The Pause That Brings You Home
A 10-minute guided meditation for those carrying too much.
You’ll visit your inner peaceful place — a beach, a garden, or the woods — while reconnecting with your body, your breath, and your truth. You’ll practice the safety of stillness, the softness of “no,” and the quiet return to a self who no longer has to disappear in love.
Accessible anytime. As often as you need it.
Who is this Private Podcast For?
This podcast is for you if:
- You’re in a relationship with someone who is Autistic, ADHD, or undiagnosed
- You’ve done the emotional labor for years — and it’s wearing you down
- You feel invisible in love — but still long for connection
- You’re trying to set boundaries but feel shaky, guilty, or unsure
- You might be neurodivergent yourself, and just starting to realize it
- You’re not ready to leave, but not sure how to stay and still feel whole
Real Stories, Real Voices…
Jordan worked full-time and parented two neurodivergent kids. Her husband, a data scientist named Arjun, loved her — but couldn’t attune to her pain. She felt like a ghost in her own marriage. This series helped her say her first empowered “no” in years.
These are composite stories — but they are built from hundreds of real client sessions.
They are your story. They are our story.
🏳️⚧️ All Are Welcome Here
This space honors the full spectrum of gender identity, relationship structures, and neurodivergent experiences. We believe in creating a safe and inclusive environment for everyone.
Whether you’re a woman, AFAB nonbinary, or someone exhausted by emotional overfunctioning — you belong here.
This podcast is written in a voice many women resonate with — but the heart of this work is simple:
If you’re tired of holding it all… this is for you.
Your Guide
Barbara (Blaze) Lazarony, LMFT
Therapist. Coach. Neurodivergent woman. Voice of truth and nervous system steadiness.
Blaze has worked with hundreds of individuals, couples, and leaders navigating the realities of neurodiverse love. She brings decades of clinical training, lived experience, and a fierce compassion into every conversation.
How to Listen
This is a private podcast — it won’t show up in public search results.
But once you sign up, you’ll get a link that works in your favorite podcast player:
Apple Podcasts Spotify YouTube Audible
or wherever you already listen to my public podcast, Love on the Autism Spectrum.
You’ll get instant access to all 11 episodes + plus the bonus meditation.
All FREE.
The Story Many of Us are Holding…
The Water and the Shore: The Story of the One Who’s Drowning, and the One Who Can’t Reach
Feel the air on your skin.
Feel the weight in your shoulders.
Feel the quiet ache behind your ribs — the one you’ve been calling strength.
Now imagine standing at the edge of a vast body of water.
It’s calm on the surface, but you know better.
There’s a scent — maybe salt, maybe moss, maybe memory.
A breeze brushes your cheek like a question.
And under your feet: sand, damp and steady.
You take a step into the water.
Then another.
And another.
And it doesn’t feel cold.
It feels familiar.
Because you’ve lived here for a long time.
You’ve been treading water, this water, for years.
Managing moods.
Softening tone.
Rehearsing every hard conversation before it happens — so it won’t go off course.
So he won’t go off course.
You’re swimming for two.
And you are so tired.
He’s there.
He’s not cruel.
He’s not unloving.
He’s not gone.
In fact, he’s holding the life preserver.
Watching you.
Loving you in his way, from a distance.
He wants you to be okay.
You know that.
But he doesn’t throw it.
Not because he doesn’t want to help.
But because he doesn’t know how.
He’s not broken either. He’s just never been taught how to love this way.
He wants to understand you better, and even himself too, but…
He’s never been taught how to read your signals.
He doesn’t understand that your smile is a mask.
That your wave is not a hello.
It’s a help signal!
He’s got a storm of his own.
Inside his body:
A shutdown. A freeze. A fear of getting it wrong, again.
You speak in spirals and feelings and tones.
Then you speak some more.
And even more.
He hears the first sentence, freezes on the second onward.
His phone is his flotation device.
Not to avoid you —
But to regulate himself.
To calm his own system, which panics at all of your emotion… not because of you, but because of how he’s wired.
What looks like apathy is actually his overwhelm.
What sounds like logic is actually his desperate attempt to stay steady.
And so… he stands still.
You just keep swimming.
And no one is getting what they need.
And no one admits to the other either.
You thought he didn’t care.
He thought you were just intense.
You’re both wrong.
You’re both right.
You’re both exhausted.
And here’s the worst part:
You stop asking for help.
Not because you don’t want it —
but because you don’t believe it’s ever coming.
You’ve told him what to do.
You’ve rewritten the instructions on the life preserver a dozen times.
But he’s sitting on the hill, holding it —
scared to throw it wrong,
worried it will hit you,
afraid he’ll only make it worse.
So you tread water.
And he watches from the hill.
And both of you ache in silence.
You stop swimming for two.
You stop waiting for him to change.
You turn toward the dock, you swim toward land.
You climb out of the water.
You wrap yourself in a towel of truth.
You sit down.
You breathe.
You remember yourself.
And when you look up —
You don’t beg.
You say:
“I won’t disappear again just to make this work.”
“I love you. But I won’t lose myself to be loved.”
And maybe — for the first time —
he hears it.
Because the silence doesn’t feel like blame anymore.
It feels like space.
Maybe he doesn’t throw the life preserver.
Maybe he walks toward the edge.
Maybe he asks:
“Can you tell me again — but slower this time?”
Maybe he says:
“I’m trying. I don’t know how… but I want to learn.”
Or perfection.
Or fixing.
It’s a story about two nervous systems.
Two unique ways of loving.
And the space between them, that no one ever taught them how to cross.
It’s about one person who stopped drowning
and one who learned to reach.
It’s about the moment love became real —
not because one partner did more…
but because both stopped disappearing,
for themselves first, then each other.
This is the story of so many neurodiverse relationships.
This is the story of emotional labor.
Of silence.
Of survival.
And maybe… this can be the story of healing too.
This is Tired of Holding It All.
This is where she returns to herself.
This is where he learns to meet her.
This is where the story begins again — on dry land.
If this feels like your story… come listen.
You’re not alone anymore.